Ahh, Etsy—the online marketplace of organic hemp totes and crocheted alpaca-wool throws. So many unique goods can be found in this online marketplace that would look just adorable in your home!
Yet if you dig beneath the cute doggy backpacks and calligraphy cake toppers, you’ll quickly find a dark side to Etsy. A sinister side. As proof, let us take you on an Etsy tour of some creepy oddities, disturbing crafts, and chilling vintage items you’ll wish had stayed in the attic.
Someone else’s attic, that is.
1. A coat rack made of baby doll limbs
Take this coat rack made of doll parts ($66). Nothing says “welcome home, make yourself comfortable” like dismembered baby arms and legs, no?
2. A taxidermied muppet
Poor Murphy. In a previous life, he made children laugh. Now he is a trophy, stuffed and mounted on a wall ($190) just like a stag’s head. Oh, you didn’t know there was such a craft as puppet taxidermy? Now you do.
3. An armadillo basket
It never occurred to us that an armadillo’s anatomy was perfect for a basket—but apparently it is. It’s so sturdy, and the tail makes for a great handle! It’s ideal for holding your collection of, say, rodent bones or dried crickets. Weirdest of all? It’s sold out, so clearly someone digs this kind of thing.
4. Screaming pillow
Sit back and relax … on this pillow that looks like you’re asphyxiating some poor victim underneath ($21.48). It’s (not) fun for all!
5. ‘Poltergeist’ clown pillow
Someone made a life-size version of the evil clown from “Poltergeist,” because you don’t deserve to sleep in peace at night. Even scarier is the price: $1,750.
6. Bloodshot eyeball cushions
Or, why not relax on these eyeball cushions ($40)? It’s no wonder these eyesballs are bloodshot—they never close.
7. Spirit photography
This is a sample of Victorian spirit photography ($35)—an attempt from a bygone era to capture images of ghosts and other spirits (or at least an attempt to fake them). These images were all the rage back in the day; now, there are loads of replicas on Etsy. Take your pick!
8. Fox rug
Why, it’s the Fantastic Mr. Fox, right here on the floor in the form of a rug ($295). Flat and immobile, it looks none too happy.
9. Shriveled head Christmas ornament
We just wanted to mention that these shrunken heads are Christmas tree ornaments ($35). You know. For Christmas. Because obviously.
10. Baby doll head and skeleton sculpture
But back to baby dolls. This baby doll head/skeleton/tusk sculpture ($500) won’t give you nightmares tonight. Nope. Totally not.
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